the right track

Helping Children Handle Stress

Children often struggle with the stress of everyday life. Pressures may come from a number of different sources, including expectations from parents and teachers, tension and competition in the family, difficulty making friends and finding support, identity issues and peer pressure. How can we help our children handle the stresses of everyday life? Pressure can take many forms, and children need help from parents learning how to respond to stress in healthy and adaptive ways.

Children may respond to some events perceived as stressful with relative ease. Other events may be seen as threats to their own or the family's integrity and well-being, and these events are therefore more troublesome. Whether or not a child takes up the invitation to learn from a stressful situation often has everything to do with the presence or absence of supportive adults. Children need parents, teachers, coaches, and significant others to help them interpret good stress from bad stress – opportunities to learn even when things feel difficult versus situations that are unhealthy, harmful, or even dangerous. Stressful situations can involve figuring out how to better navigate life’s challenges if children have guidance from someone with more life experience.

Children are often very sensitive to changes in their environment and relationships. They may have to cope with a bully on the playground, a move to a new neighborhood, a parent's serious illness, or the disappointment of a poor sports performance. They might feel a constant, nagging pressure to do whatever it takes to fit in at school or to pretend to be somebody they’re not in order for others to like them. Reminding children that they are loved just for who they are is an important and ongoing task for parents.

Sometimes children feel hopeless about their ability to deal with life but don’t know how to ask for help. Adults who care must watch for signs of stress and be proactive about connecting with children in a caring and supportive way.

Sometimes children feel hopeless about their ability to deal with life but don’t know how to ask for help. Adults who care must watch for signs of stress and be proactive about connecting with children in a caring and supportive way.

Some of the signs to be aware of include:

·        loss of sleep or appetite

·        oversleeping or overeating

·        irritability, negative attitude, or unpredictable moodiness

·        problems with academic performance at school

·        behavioral problems and/or aggression toward others

·        difficulty maintaining friendships or getting along with peers or siblings

·        social isolation or difficulty talking about feelings with trusted others

 

Not all stress is bad. Moderate amounts of pressure imposed by a teacher or a coach, for example, can motivate children to keep their grades up in school or to develop their potential in athletic activities. Successfully managing stressful situations or events enhances a child's ability to cope with life and uncertainty. Most everyone needs encouragement and affirmation sometimes, and parents need to remember how powerfully they shape their children’s self-perception. Staying relationally connected to children and providing opportunities for them to share their experience of life is one of the best approaches for supporting and encouraging them along the way.  Remember, when you need a safe place to talk about concerns regarding your kids, the counselors at Tanner EAP are available and happy to help.