the right track

shifting gears

There was a time when automatic transmissions were usually an option in new cars.  Consequently, a new driver typically had to learn to operate all of the essential features of the automobile, learn the state laws that pertained to the rules of the road, remember to select either AM or FM, and, in addition, learn to smoothly “shift gears.”  Turning a corner was particularly tricky—right foot off gas, onto brake; left foot push in clutch; right hand on shift knob (column or floor); and SHIFT.  Thank goodness we didn’t have to text or make phone calls back then!

When I talk to clients about shifting gears, it usually has nothing to do with driving.  More often than not, we’re talking about one facet of work-life balance.  How does one transition from a busy day at work to the responsibilities at home and vice-versa?  Clearly, how we conduct the business of our family is not the same as taking care of patients or customers.  At work, interacting with sometimes difficult others, maintaining an exceptional level of competency and proficiency, and being an appropriate role model for new hires, is sometimes stressful beyond words. 

We are told that going home after work or having weekends off or taking vacation time is what helps us balance our lives and maintain good mental health.  But unlike newer automobiles, doing so is not always automatic.   It’s a learned skill that requires the mindfulness and practice much like driving an older car.  When the gears grind or the engine chokes down it likely means we’ve forgotten to do something essential for a healthy marriage, or family, or personal self.

Balance and shifting gears is not easy, but let me offer a few suggestions for when you find yourself grinding and choking:

·    Make a point of recalling your earlier practices when life was less complicated and more enjoyable.  What were you doing then that may need to be reclaimed now?

·    Examine whether your priorities have shifted and does your behavior match what you consider to be most important today?

·    Talk about your intentions to someone supportive of and important to you.  Words almost always sound different when spoken, than they do when they are only inside our head.

·    Plan to make changes.  Don’t just think about doing so.  Set some goals and time frames that are realistic for accomplishing what you need.  Then follow through, one step at a time, allowing for the occasional setback and restart.

·    Understand that personal balance and healthy relationships are not automatic.  They require you to shift the gears.

·    Ask for help if you struggle more with this than you think you should.  The EAP is a good choice for confidential assistance.

BRAKE, CLUTCH, SHIFT.  STAY BETWEEN THE LINES!  

If you need to, call us—we can help.  770.834.8327