the right track

a year of firsts

Who doesn’t look forward to the holiday season? Who doesn’t find joy in being with family and special friends during the time of year that is all about celebration, giving, and thanksgiving? The truth is, I do know a Scrooge or two, (or a Grinch or so), and they’ve pretty much been that way all their lives. I’m not a pessimist by nature, but there’s probably no changing some of them!

On the other hand, I also know a few folks, usually upbeat, for whom this holiday season will be decidedly more difficult that the one last year. These folks are working through what I sometimes call “the year of firsts.” It’s the first Thanksgiving without Dad. It’s the first Christmas without Mom. It’s the first birthday since we lost him. It’s the first anniversary we’ve not been together. It’s the first Winter; the first leaves of Fall; the first football season; the first Easter; the first Chanukah . . . It’s a whole year of firsts!

One day at a time, one month at a time, one special season or event or holiday at a time, draws out the process for at least one long year. There’s a blessing in there. We likely couldn’t handle all the emotions at one time that we will gradually experience over the course of the twelve months. The downside is that grieving is truly hard work. So, to be successful, there are some things you might consider doing:

• Stay busy but find time to laugh, and think, and pray.

• Practice thanksgiving for the time you had together and for what they taught you and learned from you.

• Write. Write about your thoughts and feelings. Write a letter to the one who is no longer here. Write a letter to yourself.

• Spend time with your real friends. They may not always know what to say but you need them and they need you just as much.

• Stay in the present. Spending too much time in the past or future isn’t productive. Make the best use you can of each day as it comes.

• Don’t forget to get some sleep, eat a few foods that are good for you, and get a little exercise along the way. Pretty basic but life sustaining.

• If you get stuck doing the work, find someone to talk to that is a good listener, be it a friend or a professional. The EAP is always a good choice. It’s confidential and costs you nothing other than the time.

We certainly hope the coming holidays will be good for you and will provide the joy and renewal that we all seek. If there is anything we can do, please call us. 770.834.8327