balance and dc

Some time back, my wife and I vacationed in Washington, D.C. Actually, we combined a few days of vacation with an annual mental health conference. Vacation mornings, our routine consisted of walking three or so blocks from the hotel to Union Station, a well-known hub of transportation on Capital Hill. It was breakfast, then off to see the sites.

Au Bon Pain is a unique food stop within the Station that specializes in good coffee; a more than respectable assortment of pastries, fruits and yogurt; and a variety of other hot choices for meals throughout the day. Their system of moving hungry travelers rapidly through a crowded open-air café is one that fairly boggles the mind. Equally noteworthy is that they also provide a small complement of tables and chairs for patrons to stop, eat and drink as leisurely as they choose, and listen to quiet and soothing classical music. That’s right, classical music. The quietness of the music and the café’s choice of composers, sets an unexpected tone that truly balances the rush and frantic nature of hundreds of commuters in a busy city.

Over the years I’ve grown to be more and more a student of the need for balance in our lives. And over the same years, I’ve become more and more aware of just how difficult that is for most of us. Never mind that we grew up being reminded of the wisdom, if not necessity, of “leaving home at home and work at work”. But it doesn’t seem to happen that way anymore. For most of us there’s a delicate balance of determining just how much of home and work we will allow spilling over into each other and it takes deliberate effort to maintain that balance.

Eat right; get enough sleep; have some fun; play well with others; and be responsible in your work--a mobile that hangs well above our cribs as long as all the parts are equal. But let one dominate the others, or one become virtually non-existent and havoc almost always follows. Increased anxiety, bouts of depression, marital and family problems, irritability, insomnia, and headaches are only a few of the more common symptoms. A trip to the Au Bon Pain may not be immediately possible, but here are at least some practical suggestions for establishing and maintaining balance. You’ve heard or seen most of them before but reminders are good:

First, and maybe the most important step is to begin by accepting that you really do have some choice in the matter. Psychologists tell us that about 50% of our happiness is a combination of genes and circumstances. The other 50% is about choices that we make.

Keep a log of your activities for a week. Most of us discover that there are actually times during the seven days when we have no standing commitment. A few find they have far too many uncommitted hours. While that may sound ideal, remember that Jack is not only dull when all he does is work; he is also unappealing when all he does is play!

With the log in mind, look for places you can insert, if only for a few minutes, a pleasurable activity—reading, listening to music, or a brief walk. Set aside one evening a week for recreation, especially something you can do with your family. Turn off the TV and the cell phones and try something rather old fashioned—talk and listen to each other.

Learn to say NO. I don’t mean “no” to the essentials, or to those things that might put your job in jeopardy. I’m talking about saying no to the extras. It’s about setting priorities and deciding that your family and your mental health come first.

Set some goals for yourself. These might be for self-growth; for financial improvement; for accomplishing something you’ve always wanted to do; or for learning about something that, until now, you’ve not thought you had the time. Be careful to make the goals achievable and since it’s your choice, go easy at first.

Get some exercise. We have become a society of couch potatoes and suffer all the usual consequences. Exercise is not only good for physical fitness, but studies show that regular exercise works as a mood elevator in almost 100% of the population.

Tell your best friend or confident what you are doing. Religious communities have always known that public confession had the added benefit of virtually ensuring that we follow through with what otherwise might have only been good intentions.

Get some help. If you find that you have more difficulty than you expected or that your starts and finishes come too close together seek help from a professional counselor. Not a sign of weakness, nor a sign of illness, but an indication that you have decided to take charge in a serious way. Of course, your EAP is a good place to start.