steady . . . one step at a tiime

Why is it that the idea of making a New Year’s resolution creates such anxiety or downright avoidance in most of us? Is it that we simply don’t believe we can change how we eat or how we dress or spend money or whether or not we exercise? Is the notion that we might actually be able to stop smoking or cut back on our drinking or become nicer to our family or co-workers really so unbelievable?

For many of us, a New Year’s resolution is not merely a simple choice, but a forever commitment. So rather than take a chance on failure, letting down ourselves and everyone else, we just don’t begin the process. And maybe that’s the problem in itself. But then, self-improvement was never meant to be perfection.

So how do we begin? First, start by quieting all those inner voices that attempt to tell you what you “should” do. Remind them that their shoulds and your shoulds may not at all be the same.

Second, select a change that you want to make and then pick it apart. Separate it into its many components. For instance, getting more exercise isn’t just about sweating. It’s also about what time of day works best; what kind of exercise is appropriate or safe; how much time you are willing to commit; indoors or outdoors; home or gym, etc.

Third, think small. Be easy on yourself but make it real. Ten minutes a day that you can stick with makes much more sense than an hour that will never happen.

Fourth, tell your family or closest friend. We are much more likely to follow through with change when we let others know our intentions. Give them permission to occasionally ask you how you are doing.

Finally, determine a start date and when it arrives, BEGIN. Be patient with yourself because worthwhile change doesn’t happen overnight. It is estimated that it takes 3-6 weeks either to form new habits or to break old ones. Most of us can stay with short term commitments so by the time the fifth or sixth week passes, we’re amazed that it has actually begun to feel like a new habit.

If you’re still not sure how to begin or want some additional support for the short run, call your EAP office. We can provide lifestyle coaching and other resources to help you make this kind of important change. 770.834.8327.

finding the best in the holidays

Stress abounds. Debt increases by geometric proportions. Families, bless them, can be as much a source of our difficulties as they are a solution. Expectations of others regularly go unmet, to say nothing of those we place on ourselves. Typically there are far too many obligations to be fulfilled within anyone's twenty-four/seven. And did I mention depression? In fact, 'tis the season to be depressed!

But wait, let's not get too carried away. One more Grinch is not what we need. After all, much of what we read during this season speaks to the stress and strain of the holidays and, thankfully, provides good guidance for surviving. So at the risk of appearing to minimize the challenges that the holidays bring us, can't we spend a little time emphasizing the more positive aspects?

The holidays really are intended to be a joyful time of the year. Whether we observe Chanukah, Christmas, Ramadan, Kwanza, or another, a common theme in all is the celebration of GIVING. No, not just the giving of presents to others, but a joyful celebration of what has been given to us.

They are a time of RENEWAL. Renewal of faith; renewal of commitments; renewal of friendships. Even when family ties are strained, the holidays offer an opportunity for renewal of relationships if only for a day or two at the time.

Peace on Earth, KINDNESS to all. Sound vaguely familiar? What better time to practice acts of charity without getting caught doing so. Caring for persons less fortunate is even considered by some to be a true remedy for holiday depression. Soup kitchens, emergency shelters and community clothing banks can always use good volunteers.

And HOPE. Viktor Frankl, while imprisoned at Auschwitz, came to believe that the presence of hope equaled the presence of life. The holidays remind us of continuing hope for the world. In spite of the distress that we see on the news, the reason we celebrate this time of the year is that we believe there is hope for the small and for the great. And it is that hope that further enriches our lives.

Still struggling with the challenges? That's OK. We all are. Putting things into their proper perspective is not easy and may be more difficult than solving the problems themselves. Either way, that's what Tanner EAP is here for. Let us help you with the problems and with the perspective. Call us. 770.834.8327

holiday wishes

The staff of Tanner EAP
Wish you a very happy and peaceful season.
We encourage you to give thanks;
To enjoy the true significance of the holiday lights and sounds;

To find time to rest and rekindle your energies;
And to connect with friends and family in meaningful ways.

Lisa, Carol, Wes, and Ken

aah, bologna!

“Bah Humbug” was already taken and, besides, I was looking for a better fit. Since eating, or over-eating, is a central theme that so well applies to the next several weeks, do you ever consider that maybe we also “overstuff” on things besides food? It seems to me that we engage in that behavior so much that it’s difficult to digest the real meaning of the season. Take the following for example.

First, there are the Travel, Crowds, and Spending. Maybe you happen to be one of those who can’t get into the spirit without the holiday crowds, or a trip to Aunt Suzie’s, or without spending a little extra money. But hopefully you’re not one of those who, come January, experience anxiety and depression over the most recent credit card meltdown that you promised yourself not to do again this year. If only you could lose your appetite prior to partaking of such an excessively hearty meal.

Unrealistic Expectations are another dish that’s quite often hard to swallow. They come from all directions; our spouse, our children, our parents and other family members; church, school, the workplace; and even ourselves. And, of course, there’s the media blitz about what we’re supposed to think and how we’re supposed to feel. If you’re not careful, you become sandwiched between what others expect and what, realistically, you think you can manage.

Do you have Previously Strained Relationships that don’t seem to get any better in spite of the holiday best wishes? Believe it or not, most of us do and what we learn year after year is that this is not the time to magically expect that everyone else will get over their hard feelings and resentments just because we have figured out how to take the right combination of Tums and Prilosec to treat whatever has created our own psychic indigestion. (I do hope I can remember that next year.)

If yours is one of the millions of Blended Families in this country, a seven course meal wouldn’t even begin to represent the many challenges that you face this time of year. Sometimes it feels that the only real winners are the little children who have figured out that separation, divorce, and remarriage mean they get presents from at least a dozen more directions than they ever dreamed possible. Did someone mutter the word, “bribe”?

So is there any way to avoid this annual overstuffing? Maybe several ways, in fact. To begin with, set some limits on the travel, crowds, and spending. Talk to others about your decisions and enlist their help in sticking to your good intentions. Second, as your grandmother always told you, get enough rest, good nutrition, and a little bit of exercise. Learn the F.A.C.T.S. about moderation—avoid too many fats, alcohol, caffeine, tobacco and sugar. You’ll be amazed at how much better mentally and physically you feel to tackle the demands of the day. Third, be realistic about relationships and don’t bite off more than you can chew. If you can, talk ahead of time to resolve some long-standing issues or to just agree to “keep it light” and not to spoil the celebration for others. Fourth, if yours is a blended family, consider establishing some new traditions as well as trying to observe some of the more treasured old ones. Make gift giving an adventure instead of a competition. Consider donating or volunteering to help those who are less fortunate. And last, but by no means least, develop and fine tune your sense of humor. If the holidays are supposed to be about the real meaning of giving, and joy, and blessing, then surely to Goodness, there’s a place at the table for the spice of laughter!!