It seems impossible that the Holiday season is here with all its excitement and anticipation. Everywhere we look there are decorations and bright lights. Friends and family are planning celebrations, baking cookies, and buying gifts. But if someone you loved has died, the lights don’t seem as bright and Holiday cards and Holiday greetings seem empty and can bring on feelings of loss, sadness, and emptiness.
There is no solution that will meet everyone’s needs during the season but some of these suggestions may help.
1. Allow yourself to feel and express your emotions. Don’t feel guilty about
how you’re feeling. Take time to be alone or cry if you need to. Family and friends will understand.
2. Talk about the person who has died. Your pain won’t go away by ignoring
your grief. Sharing memories can bring a smile.
3. Try to eliminate unnecessary stress. If it’s difficult for you to go to the mall,
try shopping on the internet.
4. Try not to isolate yourself. Spend time with family and friends.
5. Do something different. Make a change in your family traditions or do something special to honor your loved one.
6. Express your faith. Your beliefs are important and will give you comfort.
7. Stay healthy. Try to exercise and eat well. Rest and sleep –your body needs this. Avoid excessive drinking as a way to avoid your feelings.
8. Most of all take care of yourself. Don’t try to live up to others expectations. Set limits, your family and friends will understand.
On a personal note, this will be the first Christmas without my husband and I know it will be a sad time for me. The Holidays won’t be the same but the memories of our past Holidays together will always be with me and will help me get through this difficult time.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
the science of thanksgiving
The Thanksgiving season seems an appropriate time to remind myself (and maybe others) of the tremendous benefits of being thankful. The relatively new field of Positive Psychology (which focuses on optimizing happiness and other positive qualities instead of how to treat pathological states) has accumulated an impressive body of research on the benefits of being thankful.
In our busy and stress-filled lives it is only natural that our attention is drawn to the things that irritate us. But, if we make the effort to re-direct our attention, at least for a little while, to some things for which we are thankful, we can make a positive difference in our mood, our health, our relationships, and our world.
Some of the recent research studies have found that (references provided upon request):
Those who kept gratitude journals had fewer physical symptoms, exercised more, and felt better about their lives as a whole than those who recorded hassles or neutral life events
In a group of people with neuromuscular disease those who were reminded to be thankful reported greater amounts of positive moods, better sleep duration, and better sleep quality than a control group.
Couples that give compliments to each other and express appreciation are much less likely to divorce and report higher levels of happiness.
Grateful people take better care of themselves, engage in more protective health behaviors, and have stronger immune systems.
When I do remember to be thankful I often am amazed at how much I take for granted on a regular basis. Today I am thankful for the sun, clean water, my family, my job, that I live in the USA, and many other things.
Thank you for reading this far. Consider yourself reminded to be thankful.
In our busy and stress-filled lives it is only natural that our attention is drawn to the things that irritate us. But, if we make the effort to re-direct our attention, at least for a little while, to some things for which we are thankful, we can make a positive difference in our mood, our health, our relationships, and our world.
Some of the recent research studies have found that (references provided upon request):
Those who kept gratitude journals had fewer physical symptoms, exercised more, and felt better about their lives as a whole than those who recorded hassles or neutral life events
In a group of people with neuromuscular disease those who were reminded to be thankful reported greater amounts of positive moods, better sleep duration, and better sleep quality than a control group.
Couples that give compliments to each other and express appreciation are much less likely to divorce and report higher levels of happiness.
Grateful people take better care of themselves, engage in more protective health behaviors, and have stronger immune systems.
When I do remember to be thankful I often am amazed at how much I take for granted on a regular basis. Today I am thankful for the sun, clean water, my family, my job, that I live in the USA, and many other things.
Thank you for reading this far. Consider yourself reminded to be thankful.
Monday, November 2, 2009
A Rose By Any Other Name
I was amazed at how many responses, almost immediately, we received to the “anger management” cartoon Monday of last week. And most of the ones who emailed named a particular stressor as their source of frustration. No, I don’t mean the same stressor. I mean that each had their own particular stressor in mind when they responded. But isn’t that the way it usually is? What one person finds difficult to deal with, may be no more than a good challenge for someone else; and what another finds simple and easy, often seems to rock the boat of the next person.
Do you think the ability to cope is something we learn as we are growing up or is it genetically determined? Be careful how you answer that because your answer may serve as either a challenge or a lifelong sentence. Most of us seem to demonstrate that it’s a combination of the two. On our worst, most “un-self-confident” days, we are certain it can only be genetic. We allow ourselves to feel as insecure as is practically safe; to feel as sorry for ourselves as we think useful; and to place blame as far up our family tree as we want to.
To our credit, however, is that we don’t seem to be able to enjoy that state for very long so we gradually begin believing once more that coping is something over which we actually have control. We believe in ourselves; take reasonable risks intended to improve our situation; see the silver lining in almost everything; and, presto, the sun does shine again!
Dr. Al Siebert, a contemporary psychologist, uses the word resiliency in reference to our ability to cope. He acknowledges that while some people may be more resilient than others, resiliency is something that nevertheless can be learned or further developed by anyone at any age. And, not surprising, he says that one of the keys to developing resiliency is learning to better handle our feelings—anger, discouragement, pessimism, and the like. He states, “As you become better and better at handling your emotional reactions . . . you strengthen your emotional immunity to events that distress others and increase your resiliency.”
Do you think the ability to cope is something we learn as we are growing up or is it genetically determined? Be careful how you answer that because your answer may serve as either a challenge or a lifelong sentence. Most of us seem to demonstrate that it’s a combination of the two. On our worst, most “un-self-confident” days, we are certain it can only be genetic. We allow ourselves to feel as insecure as is practically safe; to feel as sorry for ourselves as we think useful; and to place blame as far up our family tree as we want to.
To our credit, however, is that we don’t seem to be able to enjoy that state for very long so we gradually begin believing once more that coping is something over which we actually have control. We believe in ourselves; take reasonable risks intended to improve our situation; see the silver lining in almost everything; and, presto, the sun does shine again!
Dr. Al Siebert, a contemporary psychologist, uses the word resiliency in reference to our ability to cope. He acknowledges that while some people may be more resilient than others, resiliency is something that nevertheless can be learned or further developed by anyone at any age. And, not surprising, he says that one of the keys to developing resiliency is learning to better handle our feelings—anger, discouragement, pessimism, and the like. He states, “As you become better and better at handling your emotional reactions . . . you strengthen your emotional immunity to events that distress others and increase your resiliency.”
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