A Rose By Any Other Name

I was amazed at how many responses, almost immediately, we received to the “anger management” cartoon Monday of last week. And most of the ones who emailed named a particular stressor as their source of frustration. No, I don’t mean the same stressor. I mean that each had their own particular stressor in mind when they responded. But isn’t that the way it usually is? What one person finds difficult to deal with, may be no more than a good challenge for someone else; and what another finds simple and easy, often seems to rock the boat of the next person.

Do you think the ability to cope is something we learn as we are growing up or is it genetically determined? Be careful how you answer that because your answer may serve as either a challenge or a lifelong sentence. Most of us seem to demonstrate that it’s a combination of the two. On our worst, most “un-self-confident” days, we are certain it can only be genetic. We allow ourselves to feel as insecure as is practically safe; to feel as sorry for ourselves as we think useful; and to place blame as far up our family tree as we want to.

To our credit, however, is that we don’t seem to be able to enjoy that state for very long so we gradually begin believing once more that coping is something over which we actually have control. We believe in ourselves; take reasonable risks intended to improve our situation; see the silver lining in almost everything; and, presto, the sun does shine again!

Dr. Al Siebert, a contemporary psychologist, uses the word resiliency in reference to our ability to cope. He acknowledges that while some people may be more resilient than others, resiliency is something that nevertheless can be learned or further developed by anyone at any age. And, not surprising, he says that one of the keys to developing resiliency is learning to better handle our feelings—anger, discouragement, pessimism, and the like. He states, “As you become better and better at handling your emotional reactions . . . you strengthen your emotional immunity to events that distress others and increase your resiliency.”