when the impaired co-worker is a friend or family member

What do you say to a friend who has a drinking or other drug problem? Most prefer to say nothing, hoping things will get better on their own or that something benign will occur and get their attention. The fact that one out of every four persons has a family member with an alcohol or other drug problem, means there are a lot of people hoping for the best yet bracing themselves for the worst.

But if you’re not willing to wait, what do you say? It’s not “what” but “how” that first needs to be addressed. If you can’t seem to say anything that isn’t angry or judgmental—for goodness sake continue to say nothing. Instead, find a good Al-Anon or Alateen meeting to attend and learn from those who have discovered the better “how”. After that, things won’t magically get easier, but you will have a better chance of succeeding.

Wait until nothing dramatic is going on; until the person is sober and, for the most part, unimpaired. In the most genuinely caring voice you can muster, start with the words, “I care about you. And I care about what I see happening to you.” If you have their attention and they are willing for you to continue, then,      “When you drink too much (or use) it frightens me and I don’t know what to do. I’ve been thinking about this and I want us to go talk to someone who can help us. Would you be willing to do that?”

Before you begin this whole process, do your homework. Call and talk to a professional such as an EAP counselor about your concerns. They can help you with the words to use and also with how to choose your best timing. They know where the resources are for treating particular types of substance abuse and may be able to steer you toward one that accepts your insurance or works with other financial limitations.

Connect with professional resources. Prepare yourself for what, how, and when to talk to your friend or family member. Be willing to support them when they agree to make some changes. If you would like Tanner EAP to help you through the process, call us!   770.834.8327