what I learned at the grocery store

(Sometimes you come across an article that says what you want to say in a way far better. Such is this one, written by Mary Chapin Carpenter, originally posted in 2007 at NPR radio.)

Eight weeks ago, I was released from the hospital after suffering a pulmonary embolism. I had just finished a tour and a week after returning home, severe chest pain and terrible breathlessness landed me in the ER. A scan revealed blood clots in my lungs.

Everyone told me how lucky I was. A pulmonary embolism can take your life in an instant. I was familiar enough with the medical term, but not familiar with the pain, the fear and the depression that followed.

Everything I had been looking forward to came to a screeching halt. I had to cancel my upcoming tour. I had to let my musicians and crew members go. The record company, the booking agency: I felt that I had let everyone down.

But there was nothing to do but get out of the hospital, go home and get well.
I tried hard to see my unexpected time off as a gift, but I would open a novel and couldn't concentrate. I would turn on the radio, then shut if off. Familiar clouds gathered above my head, and I couldn't make them go away with a pill or a movie or a walk. This unexpected time was becoming a curse, filling me with anxiety, fear and self-loathing — all of the ingredients of the darkness that is depression.

Sometimes, it's the smile of a stranger that helps. Sometimes it's a phone call from a long absent friend, checking on you. I found my lifeline at the grocery store. One morning, the young man who rang up my groceries and asked me if I wanted paper or plastic also told me to enjoy the rest of my day. I looked at him and I knew he meant it. It stopped me in my tracks. I went out and I sat in my car and cried.

What I want more than ever is to appreciate that I have this day, and tomorrow and hopefully days beyond that. I am experiencing the learning curve of gratitude. I don't want to say "have a nice day" like a robot. I don't want to get mad at the elderly driver in front of me. I don't want to go crazy when my Internet access is messed up. I don't want to be jealous of someone else's success. You could say that this litany of sins indicates that I don't want to be human. The learning curve of gratitude, however, is showing me exactly how human I am.

I don't know if my doctors will ever be able to give me the precise reason why I had a life-threatening illness. I do know that the young man in the grocery store reminded me that every day is all there is, and that is my belief.

Tonight I will cook dinner, tell my husband how much I love him, curl up with the dogs, watch the sun go down over the mountains and climb into bed. I will think about how uncomplicated it all is. I will wonder at how it took me my entire life to appreciate just one day.

national nurses week

Once upon a time when she was asked, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” the only culturally acceptable answers open to a little girl’s dreams were likely nursing and teaching. Celebrating National Nurses Week, May 6-12, reminds me that women today choose among a vast array of professions that would have made Rosie the Rivetor’s head spin wildly.

The word, “choice,” is the key. Today more than ever, women choose whether or not they want to work outside the home and exactly how they will balance career and family responsibilities. According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, more than 4.8 million currently choose nursing as RNs, LPNs, or Nursing Assistants. Of course, those numbers represent both women and men who have taken that career path.

Many come from families where there is a strong generational line of nurses and other health care professionals. Most choose this direction because of a strong desire to help others achieve optimal physical health knowing they will be called on to cope with human suffering, death and dying, emergencies, and other stresses. By and large, they are caring, sympathetic, responsible, and detail oriented individuals who often, to their own detriment, put the needs of others before their own.

We are indeed honored to have such dedicated individuals working among us for our hospitals, our business and industry employers, and our colleges and universities. Tanner EAP appreciates the opportunity to provide assistance that may, in some small way, help them take better care of themselves so they, in turn, take better care of their patients.

are you feeling overwhelmed?

Financial woes, marriage and family demands, generational challenges, job insecurity--the list goes on and on and on. Turn on the television or pick up a newspaper and all you hear or read only seems to reinforce your belief that the world is in a mess. In fact, to listen to some, the world has never been in such a mess as it is now. And, of course, someone is to blame.

Difficulty finding words to describe “how this makes you feel?” How about worried, angry, sad, woeful, depressed, gloomy, resentful, victimized, worked-up, skeptical, distrusting, perplexed, insecure, anxious, distant, discouraged, dismal, irritated, hesitant, despairing, frightened, annoyed, alarmed, and nervous? (To suggest only a few.)

Have you ever wondered why there are so many so-called “reality shows” on TV? I think it’s because watching someone else’s misfortune and ill judgment somehow deflects from the pain we feel for ourselves. Either we can laugh because we’re glad it’s not us, or we find ourselves saying, “You think that’s bad? My life is the one that ought to be on TV!”

For most of us, emotional pain, like physical pain, becomes a strong motivator. A moment’s touch of the hot stove is all the information we need to know that our hand is in the wrong place. If we are truly resilient, we remember the source of the pain and take all means available to either avoid it in the future or to find a better way to provide personal warmth.

Resiliency is sometimes defined as, “the ability to return to normal by bouncing back from the ups and downs of life.” Most of the time we are unaware of our efforts but when the ups and downs become too great we need to consciously think about even the simple responses that maintain our emotional stability. Here are some reminders:

1. Talk to good listeners.
2. Avoid numbing the pain with overuse of alcohol, drugs or excessive behaviors.
3. Tell your family. Let them know you are struggling and need their understanding.
4. Spend time with others.
5. Help your co-workers by sharing feelings and checking how they are doing.
6. Keep a journal, particularly when you can't sleep.
7. Do things that feel good to you and are good for you.
8. Get plenty of rest. Drink plenty of water. Eat balanced meals.
9. Avoid making major life decisions or major changes. If you must, seek sound advice from someone you trust.
10. Make as many everyday decisions as you can to help exercise your self-control.
11. Be kind to yourself.
12. Get good exercise. A brisk walk elevates mood and improves physical health.
13. LAUGH as often as you can. It may really be the best medicine.
14. Seek professional help if needed. Encourage your co-workers and family to do so.

I'm not suggesting that if you employ these measures that your stressors will just go away. But I do know that using them will reinforce your own strength and allow you to identify ways through the challenges that you are facing. Every time we use positive coping skills, no matter how simple they seem, we build on our abilities to bounce back. Resiliency is something we can learn.

Feeling overwhelmed? Give your EAP a call. We can help you identify the strengths you need. 770-834-8327