Stress and Relationships

The psychologist, Carl Rogers, is often given credit for the definition of stress that reads, “that inner conflict created when the mind overrides the body’s basic desire to choke the living daylights out of some jerk who desperately needs it.” I may have changed the wording a bit but not the message. His focus includes two rather obvious lessons. The first is that the stress we feel is inside of us and is often a product of our own conflicts, more than just the events that happen around us. The second is that our stress frequently involves relationships or at least interaction with others whether friends, family, or co-workers.

No doubt about it. Relationships can be one of the most uplifting and satisfying aspects of life or, to the contrary, one of the most frustrating and troubling elements. Learning to live and work with others and with all their quirks is challenging but we need never to forget that the one thing all our relationships have in common is ourselves. Why is it that some people can say or do almost anything to us and we immediately forgive while others push our buttons as soon as they walk through the door and we never seem to get over it? It’s at least partly a matter of choice. We choose whom we love; we choose whom we dislike; we choose with whom we spend most of our time and whom we avoid.

Relationships can be stressful. It makes sense then, as far as we are able, that we treasure and nurture those relationships that give us satisfaction. It makes sense that we direct the majority of our efforts toward those relationships that we find most supportive and encouraging. The others? Another topic for another blog!