the right track

handling holiday stress

2011-11-09T13:40:00.002-05:00

The holiday season typically brings a significant amount of stress. We feel its presence when we experience fatigue, irritability, insomnia, muscle aches, anxiety and/or a compromised immune system. “Easing up on yourself over the holidays is important because the connection between stress and illness is real,” says Simon A. Rego, PsyD, assistant professor of psychiatry at Albert Einstein College of Medicine. Stress can lead to a number of serious health concerns; including obesity, diabetes, depression, heart disease, psoriasis, shingles, irritable bowel syndrome, ulcerative colitis and Crohn’s disease.
The good news is that by following a few practical tips, we can effectively minimize our holiday stress.
1) First and foremost, take care of yourself. Eat healthy, exercise, and get plenty of sleep. Before a holiday party, eating a healthy snack can make it easier to resist overindulging on high calorie food. To emotionally deal with the demands of the holidays, it is very important to keep your body in good condition.
2) When you feel overwhelmed, ask for help from family and friends. Remember that others will be more prone to respond positively to your requests for help if you approach them in a positive and appreciative manner.
3) Be realistic with your holiday goals. It is not necessary for decorations, traditions, gifts and food to be perfect in order to be enjoyable and memorable. Some of the family you hoped would be present at your holiday table may have other plans. Don’t allow their absence to ruin your mood. Decide to have a good time and enjoy those who are present.
4) Try to avoid conflict. This is a time when you want to accept family and friends as they are, setting aside hurts and disappointments. The discussion of grievances is more appropriately handled after the holidays. Try to be patient when others get upset, recognizing that they are probably feeling the stress of the holidays.
5) Decide on a budget and stick to it. Overspending leads to guilty feelings, shame and financial stress. Don’t fall into the trap of trying to buy happiness for those you love.
6) Plan family gatherings and activities in advance and say “No” when you need to. Always saying yes can leave you feeling resentful and overwhelmed. If you can’t participate in every activity or project, it doesn’t make you a BAD person. To the contrary, it may make you a wiser, less anxious person. If it’s not possible to say “No” to your boss’ request to work overtime, try to remove something else from your schedule.
7) When you feel stressed, take some time for yourself. Even 15 minutes without distraction can refresh you; listen to soothing music, take a warm bath, slow your breathing, clear your head, find a way to restore your inner calm.
8) If you need it, seek professional help. When, despite your best efforts to reduce the stress in your life, sadness, anxiety and/or irritability continue to plague you remember Tanner EAP. Tanner EAP is a professional counseling service that is available, at no charge, for you and your family members

May your HOLIDAYS be happy and fun!

smile

2011-10-10T16:48:00.002-04:00

A simple behavior can have tremendous influence. A smile is a universally known and understood gesture. It transcends all languages and cultures. The act of smiling has been shown in scientific research to:
• Change your mood in the direction of being happier
• Release endorphins which are natural painkillers
• Make you appear more attractive to others
• Make you more likely to receive help from others
• Boost the immune system and make you less likely to get sick
• Lower your blood pressure
• Increase customer satisfaction ratings
• Make you appear more confident and therefore more likely to be promoted
• Contribute to marriage stability and longer life expectancy
• Be contagious

But we get caught up in the stress and drama of our lives and we forget.

Here are some ways to remind yourself and others to engage in this powerful action more often.
• Keep a picture of someone you love in a place you will see it
• Think of some things/people/events for which you are thankful
• Keep a gratitude journal
• Listen to a song that makes you smile
• Get in the habit of smiling at yourself in mirrors
• Read something humorous, uplifting, and/or touching
• Have fun! Do something you really enjoy every once in awhile
• Laugh! Make it a priority to laugh
• Take care of yourself – if you feel better you are more likely to smile
• Do something nice for someone. Their smile may make you smile
• Play with a child or a pet
• Watch a funny movie, television show, or Youtube video
• Recall an event from your past that makes you smile

If all else fails, fake it ‘til you make it. Even a forced or contrived smile has been shown to provide the benefits listed above.

If you are finding it more difficult to smile because of stress in your life consider scheduling an appointment with the Employee Assistance Program. Call 770-834-8327 or email us through this website: http://www.tanner.org/Main/ContactTannerEAP.aspx

“I don’t smile because I’m happy. I’m happy because I smile.”
William James

“He who smiles rather than rages is always the stronger.”
Japanese Proverb

“Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.”
W.C. Fields

“Keep smiling - it makes people wonder what you've been up to. “
Author Unknown

2011-09-02T08:39:00.001-04:00

anticipation

What's anticipation of special events or anniversaries like for you? Most of us experience the whole range of emotions as though we were participating in the actual event. For instance, do you have a birthday coming up soon? If you do and you're worried about getting older you may find that feelings of despair and discouragement begin creeping up days or even weeks before the occurrence. On the other hand, if birthdays excite you with feelings of newly discovered wisdom or simply a sense of "I made it through one more," the positive anticipation is just as likely to build to a crescendo as the day moves closer.

"Anxiety," one form of anticipation, is sometimes defined as "needless worry about something that hasn't happened yet." While technically that may be true, the reality is that some anxiety about the future is in fact a healthy thing. Do you plan for retirement or do you just trust the winds of fortune to take care of you? Do you schedule an annual physical assessment or pretend you are as indestructible as a teenager? We may not particularly enjoy doing so, but we buy groceries so we can eat next week and we pay the monthly bills to ensure that the electricity and the gas remain on.

Lately, we've probably all noticed news stories about the upcoming tenth anniversary of 9-11. The anticipation of the day creates anxiety for many of us. Whether that anxiety is only mildly disturbing or becomes fearfully disabling depends for the most part on how we decide to think about it. September 11, 2001, was frightening beyond imagination! To say that it changed how we live is, at best, an understatement. So how do we maintain a healthy anxiety about September 11, 2011? Here are a few suggestions:

Remember the reasons for observing the day. Trying to "forget" unpleasant memories usually results in more anxiety. Remember the lost and the survivors. Remember the responders who continued to work for days and weeks. Remember the lessons learned about caring, and cooperation, and courage.
Spend time with your closest friends and family. Being with those most supportive of us often renews our faith in what is good and what is truly important.
Find someone to wish a "good day" to or to do something nice for. Anxiety and depression are almost always lessened when we turn our attentions to helping others.
Breathe deeply and take a walk. Inhale slowly, counting to seven--then exhale slowly. Deliberate relaxation and moderate exercise are terrific not only for reducing anxiety but for improving one's physical and mental health.
Practice thanksgiving (and read the first three again).

If the anxiety doesn't go away or at least let up substantially, you may want to speak to a professional counselor about other things you can do. If we can help at Tanner EAP, just call us. 770.834.8327

eap and your health

2011-08-19T15:47:00.002-04:00

While doing research for an upcoming presentation for Tanner’s cardiac rehabilitation program I came upon some information I thought might be of interest to a wider audience.
• Stress management and relaxation training have been shown to decrease the likelihood of a second heart attack (after suffering a first) by 75%.
• A study reported in Circulation compared treatment for emotional distress with conventional medical treatment alone among 150 men with comparable heart disease severity. The men who were taught stress reduction techniques were four times less likely to die after nine years.
• Stress helps account for two-thirds of family doctor visits and, according to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, half the deaths to Americans under 65.
• Several studies have shown a direct relationship between unresolved anger and physical illness.
• Excessive stress compromises the immune system which increases the likelihood of many illnesses.
• Relaxation training has been shown to reduce symptom reports and acid exposure in patients with GERD.
Many physicians take seriously the impact of stress upon physical and mental health and often recommend counseling in addition to medical treatment. The Employee Assistance Program is a benefit that can be of great value in maintaining and restoring our physical as well as our mental health. If you or a family member have chronic pain, high blood pressure, anxiety, depression, acid-reflux disease, or any of the dozens of illnesses that have been shown to be helped by counseling, stress management, and the learning of more effective coping skills, consider a call to your confidential EAP provider. 770-834-8327

in like a lamb, out like a lion

2011-03-22T12:06:00.000-04:00

Few of us have not heard the folk saying, “If March comes in like a lamb, it will go out like a lion,” or the reverse, of course. While the adage may more likely originate from astrology than from meteorology, the truth is that it has a 50/50 chance of being correct in any given year. Not really bad odds.

March is a fickle if not even erratic month. Sitting on the edge of Winter and Spring, its weather tends to flip-flop from warm to cold to wet or windy to higher or lower than average or “normal,” whatever that really is. Does it sort of make you think about some people you know? They run hot, then cold. They’re easy to be with, then difficult. Their moods and behavior exhibit the whole range of “normal,” again, whatever that is.

When dealing with difficult people, here are a few things to keep in mind. First, be empathetic. Making an effort to understand where they are coming from isn’t only about treating them fairly, it’s also about treating yourself fairly. Understanding the reasons they think or act as they do, makes it easier for you to anticipate their moods and even their behavior.

Second, be yourself—your best self, that is. There’s no need to be harsh or judgmental, but a little honesty won’t hurt. Often, when someone is being difficult, they are likely to respond to another being direct or honest about what they see. You don’t have to be a therapist to reflect to the other person that their words or their behavior are not easy to be with.

Third, try to limit your exposure. Most people I know have their plate full, so to speak, with obligations and responsibilities. Limiting the amount of time you spend with someone who seems to require extra effort, allows your time with others to be more enjoyable. It’s in that enjoyment that we tend to derive energy for dealing with situations and people that are more stressful.

And last, do some things that regenerate and revitalize your own reserves. Nutritious foods, adequate rest, uplifting conversation, and a little exercise are essential to positive mental and physical health. After all, if you are taking good care of yourself, it’s less likely that someone else may write a blog (with you in mind) about how to deal with difficult people!

let me count the ways

2011-02-10T16:11:00.000-05:00

“How do I love thee? Let me count the ways,” is the beginning line of one of the most recognizable love poems from the so-called “Romantic Movement.” Published in 1850 as part of the collection Sonnets from the Portuguese, Elizabeth Barrett Browning secretly wrote and dedicated this to her husband, Robert Wideman Browning, before their marriage. >http://www.poets.org/poet.php/prmPID/152< With Valentine’s Day coming Monday, I wanted to share an observation that her work brings to my mind.

If you read the entire verse, you will discover that it is indeed about “how” she loves him and not “why?” In fact, she gives no reason at all! Instead, she speaks with pure affection that comes from the heart, that isn’t tied to any particular set of expectations, that is, in fact, unconditional. But then, they were only dating at the time and given the era had in all probability never lived together!

When I talk to troubled couples on the verge of separation, much of their conversation is about what they no longer like about the other person. It’s about changes that have occurred over time in their now somewhat less than perfect mate. Often the complaints voiced are quite legitimate and maybe even irreconcilable. My point is, however, that the focus of their relationship seems to have changed from “how I love” to “reasons why I no longer find this person lovable.” In other words, the complaints are about unmet conditions.

We know that Elizabeth and Robert married, had a son, and each continued to write for quite some time. We are also certain that their love for each other changed because it always does. What we don’t know is whether it continued to mature without conditions. That’s the difficult part, isn’t it? We may not be able to write as Elizabeth Barrett Browning, but most of us begin an adult relationship in much the same way. At first, we love unconditionally because we see no faults. The challenge of modern marriages is not staying together forever. Anyone can do that. The real challenge is to love unconditionally, one day at a time, and then to continue for as long as forever takes.

So, here's wishing you a Happy Valentine's Day from the staff of Tanner EAP. If you think we can help as you struggle with the difficult parts, please give us a call. 770.834.8327.

more (for the new year)

2011-01-05T20:14:00.000-05:00

For this New Year I plan
    To read more,
    To write more,
    To spend time with my wife more,
    To appreciate my family more,
    To take time for myself more,
And I’m going
    To play with my grandchildren more.
    To walk more,
    To laugh more,
    To see more,
    To work at a hobby more,
    To study and to improve myself more.
Because
    Time just doesn’t stand still,
    And opportunities are too easily passed by,
    And regrets for what is missed are wasted,
    And there are few guarantees there will be more.

the thanksgiving meal(s)

2010-11-23T16:37:00.003-05:00

Do you have plans for Thanksgiving? I’ve heard that question at least a dozen times within the past week. For most of us, a full meal with family or close friends will be the center point of our celebration. And for many of us, what will follow is that all too familiar discomfort of having eaten too much! Did you know that the earliest Thanksgiving celebration was probably not a meal—but more likely it was numerous meals that extended over as much as six days. Can you imagine?!?

The commonly told accounts are that of a 1621 harvest feast that was shared by the English colonists, or Pilgrims of Plymouth, and the Wampanoag Indians. Their intent was to express thankfulness, gratitude, and appreciation to God, family, and friends for blessings of material possessions and relationships. It was a time to give thanks for a bountiful harvest. Interestingly enough, it was within that spirit of thankfulness that the typically unfriendly relationship between the Pilgrims and the Native Americans became one of kindness and mutual support for at least the next fifty years.

While the celebration has no doubt changed greatly from the original, the essential principles remain the same. With family, friends, (and usually food), regardless of financial ability, or social standing, we still give thanks, each in our own way, for what we know to be our own bountiful harvest.

holiday tips for handling grief

2010-11-19T11:00:00.000-05:00

As we approach the holidays between now and January 2011, doing so without a loved one that has passed during the year will likely be difficult. It's not only one of the many "firsts" that occur in the initial year of grieving, but for many, some of the most challenging "firsts." Here are some tips for handling holiday grief that may be useful. Share them with others you know.

Decide what you can handle comfortably and let family and friends know. Can I handle the responsibility of the family dinner or should I ask someone else to do it this year? Do I want to stay home or spend the holidays in a different environment?
Make small changes if they feel comfortable to you. Open presents Christmas Eve instead of Christmas morning. Vary the timing of the Chanukah gifts. Have dinner at a different place. Let the children do the baking, the decorating, etc.
Consider doing something special for someone else. Donate a gift in the memory of a loved one. Donate money you might have spent on your loved one as a gift to charity. Give to a needy family. Invite a special guest to share festivities or meals.
Recognize you loved one's presence in the family. Burn a candle to quietly include your loved one. Hang a stocking for others to place notes with their feelings and thoughts. Listen to his or her music. Look at special photographs.
If you decide to do holiday shopping, make a list ahead of time and be selective about a day that works best for you or do your shopping online.
Observe the actual holidays in ways that are comfortable for you. There is no right or wrong here. It's only important that you are able to derive meaning from the observance. Let you friends and family know what you've decided to do and ask for their support.
Try to get enough rest and nutrition--holidays can be emotionally and physically draining under even the best of circumstances. As much as possible, keep your sleep schedule and mealtimes as routine as you can. Taking care of your body always helps lower your stress.
If you need someone to talk to or need professional support, remember your EAP. Give us a call. We can help.

tips on strengthening relationships

2010-10-06T16:22:00.004-04:00

Whether it is your partner, your family member, a friend, or a co-worker, relationships are a vitally important part of our lives. It is easy to take a relationship for granted and easy to drift apart. Here are a few reminders and tips on nurturing and strengthening relationships.

1. Positive communication
The best indicator of a happy and long-lasting marriage is positive communication. Sometimes we need to address some deficiencies or problems , but try to have many more positive statements than negative. This is also important in parenting, managing, and generally getting along with others. This is also the best way to shape behavior. Common courtesies are important. We often are more polite to strangers than to those we live and work with. Giving compliments increases the other's self-esteem and strengthens relationships.

2. Spend quality time together
Sometimes with work, family, and other responsibilities it is difficult to schedule time with the significant people in your life. Make an effort to plan a date night, a game night, a shopping date, or just take a break with someone. It will make them and you feel better.

3. Laugh
Laughter reduces stress and releases mood enhancing chemicals in your brain. It stimulates your immune system and lowers your blood pressure. It smoothes tension and brings people closer together. Make an effort to watch some comedy, share a joke, remember a funny time from your past, and look for humorous moments in the day.

4. Take care of yourself
If you are happy and healthy your relationships will be happier and healthier. Sometimes we need some “me time”. Many of us are so caught up in taking care of others that we don't take such good care of ourselves. Take some time for yourself to exercise, listen to music, blow off steam, or just be lazy.

5. Let some things slide
A surefire way to scare someone is to say, “We need to talk”. While some issues definitely need to be addressed we don't need to bring up every annoyance. Some things we can vent to a friend or a counselor or try to have a sense of humor about.

6. Prayer
Regardless of your belief system or lack thereof, nine of 10 Americans use some form of prayer at least occasionally. A recent study conducted at Florida State University showed that people who prayed for their partner's well-being had fewer vengeful thoughts and emotions. They were more likely to forgive and move on when the relationship hit a rough patch.

7. Random acts of kindness
Getting an unexpected note, gift, or expression of gratitude will make someone's day. It will also help the giver feel better. This can be even more powerful when done anonymously.

If you struggle with relationships and would like a bit of help, remember your EAP. Call us. We can help. 770.834.8327.

when the impaired co-worker is a friend or family member

2010-08-13T12:33:00.003-04:00

What do you say to a friend who has a drinking or other drug problem? Most prefer to say nothing, hoping things will get better on their own or that something benign will occur and get their attention. The fact that one out of every four persons has a family member with an alcohol or other drug problem, means there are a lot of people hoping for the best yet bracing themselves for the worst.

But if you’re not willing to wait, what do you say? It’s not “what” but “how” that first needs to be addressed. If you can’t seem to say anything that isn’t angry or judgmental—for goodness sake continue to say nothing. Instead, find a good Al-Anon or Alateen meeting to attend and learn from those who have discovered the better “how”. After that, things won’t magically get easier, but you will have a better chance of succeeding.

Wait until nothing dramatic is going on; until the person is sober and, for the most part, unimpaired. In the most genuinely caring voice you can muster, start with the words, “I care about you. And I care about what I see happening to you.” If you have their attention and they are willing for you to continue, then, “When you drink too much (or use) it frightens me and I don’t know what to do. I’ve been thinking about this and I want us to go talk to someone who can help us. Would you be willing to do that?”

Before you begin this whole process, do your homework. Call and talk to a professional such as an EAP counselor about your concerns. They can help you with the words to use and also with how to choose your best timing. They know where the resources are for treating particular types of substance abuse and may be able to steer you toward one that accepts your insurance or works with other financial limitations.

Connect with professional resources. Prepare yourself for what, how, and when to talk to your friend or family member. Be willing to support them when they agree to make some changes. If you would like Tanner EAP to help you through the process, call us! 770.834.8327

the impaired co-worker--part one

2010-08-04T11:05:00.082-04:00

Although companies drug test and educate employees far beyond what was done years ago, inappropriate drug use is still a concern for most workplaces. According to a 2008 study published by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), among adults aged 18 or older, 63 percent of full time employees use alcohol; 8.8 percent are considered heavy drinkers; and 30.3 percent are what is known as binge drinkers.

In that same study, 8.0 percent of full time and 10.2 percent of part time workers admitted to using illicit drugs. One third of all drug abuse by fulltime employees is of prescription medication and of those who use pain relievers nonmedically, 55.9 percent report they got the pain relievers from a friend or relative for free.

True, most employees who drink or use other drugs don't use on the job, and are careful not to come to work under the influence. Never mind, however, those who come "under hangover." When they do report to work impaired they present health and safety risks not only to themselves but to those who work around them, to customers of the business, and to the occasional visitor. They are five times more likely to have an on the job accident and they file more than double the number of medical and worker's comp claims.

Managing the problem of workplace drug abuse requires first that we choose not to ignore that the problem exists. Second, drug free workplace policies must, as a priority, ensure the health, safety, and productivity of employees and customers. And third, policies should be designed to provide reasonable assistance to the alcohol or drug dependent worker and his or her family.

Data that will shed light on the needs of one's particular work setting can often be gained from Human Resource records, EAP statistics, loss and risk management reports, and reliable personal observations. Good "stories" may supplement, but should never be the driving force in making this kind of workplace decisions. The SAMHSA Workplace site is an excellent source for planning and implementation guidelines.

Coming:
The Impaired Co-worker--Part Two:
      "When the Co-worker is a Friend or Family Member"
The Impaired Co-Worker--Part Three:
      "When it's Not Personal--When it's Just Business."

a servant mentality

2010-07-23T23:22:00.000-04:00

On public radio this morning there was an interview with Dr. Connie Mariano. Dr. Mariano was White House physician to three presidents; George H. W. Bush, Bill Clinton, and George H. Bush. When asked how one stays grounded doing this seemingly high profile job, she replied,

"one of the biggest piece of advice, it was given to me by my predecessor is, the best way to survive this job is to approach this with a servant mentality. You're behind the scenes. You're the potted plant, so to speak, you're invisible. And that's probably the best way to look at it."

It's the phrase, "servant mentality" that caught my attention. So what's that about? Within the context of the interview, this kind of mentality meant meeting the needs of others even when it involved a sizeable measure of self sacrifice. It was about continuing to do the job to the best of one's ability when no one else seemed to notice. It was about humility even though she held in her hands the life of the most powerful man in the western world. For Dr. Mariano, being the servant meant paying attention to the details and to the process but trusting the ultimate outcome to someone else.

I wonder how much less complicated, and more successful, our lives might be if we decided to approach our occupations and our family relationships with a servant mentality. Being the potted plant, being invisible, would have to be, at the least, well . . . interesting!

whistle while you work

2010-07-15T14:36:00.007-04:00

The seven dwarfs of Snow White fame were known, among other things, for their somewhat over-the-top positive attitude toward work. In today’s uncertain and stressful times, your response might be that work is no laughing matter. Or as someone said, “That’s why they call it work!” And yet for that very reason we might do well to revive our ability to laugh even at work and perhaps about the very things that we find stressful. I was reminded yesterday of an article published sometime back that said children laugh some 400 times a day and adults laugh less than 15 times a day. The numbers may not be exactly correct, but there’s no missing the point. Have we really lost the sense of humor that apparently was a natural part of our childhood?

Paul McGhee, PhD, of www.laughterremedy.com, reminds us that “hostility, fear, rage, and anxiety are emotions responsible for heart attacks while merriment defuses anger, rage, and worry.” Abraham Lincoln, when addressing congress during the Civil War once said, "Gentlemen, why don’t you laugh? With the fearful strain that is upon me day and night, if I did not laugh I should die, and you need this medicine as much as I do."

So how does one develop or revive a sagging sense of humor? Try this approach. Start by making a list of the things that make you happy. (Don’t start with work.) Keep it simple—a sunrise, hugging my spouse, a funny movie, ice cream, my own children. . . Most adults, at first sitting, can list only two or three so stay with it. After a couple of weeks or so you should have at least 100 items on your list. When things get stressful, pull the list out and allow a subtle smile to creep across your face until the smiles turn into laughter and the laughter breaks the hold of whatever stress you’re facing at the time.

Life isn’t always easy. Work is often hard. Lincoln was correct—we need this medicine!

cats have only nine

2010-06-18T14:55:00.001-04:00

I’ve always heard it said that “cats have nine lives” so if humans live so many years longer, how many lives might we have? One of my favorite authors, in writing his autobiography, began by stating he felt each chapter of his book represented a distinctly unique segment of his life—that he had in fact, “lived in chapters.” There were twelve at the time of publication.

Most of us could probably write our own biography in a similar fashion with unique segments or years making up one chapter after another: early childhood, teen years, college or first job, marriage, subsequent marriage, children, first trauma, a job loss, a major accomplishment, etc. You get the picture. There is no doubt that over a lifetime we all go through any number of significant transitions that require we adjust our perspectives and often demand that we learn new ways of coping.

What is it that allows us to adjust or successfully move from one chapter to another? Could it be that resiliency, sometimes defined as “the ability to cope well with high levels of disruptive change,” is exactly that element? I think so. But how does one develop their resiliency so that they are not just coping or managing stress, but actually minimizing its effects, preventing some of its disruptions, and achieving personal growth?

No absolute formula for developing or improving resiliency exists but of one thing I am certain. A good memory is essential. True, sometimes we think we would rather forget certain unpleasant occurrences, but without our memory we simply can’t learn what we need to know. When new challenges present themselves, bravely allow yourself to remember previously difficult times, and with that memory, recall the actions you took, the resources you put into play, the people whose support you sought, and the feelings of competency or accomplishment that resulted. Pretty soon, you’ll begin to form a picture of what worked and why. Situations change, but an effective strategy in the past is likely to be part of your success in the present.

what I learned at the grocery store

2010-05-28T09:57:00.010-04:00

(Sometimes you come across an article that says what you want to say in a way far better. Such is this one, written by Mary Chapin Carpenter, originally posted in 2007 at NPR radio.)

Eight weeks ago, I was released from the hospital after suffering a pulmonary embolism. I had just finished a tour and a week after returning home, severe chest pain and terrible breathlessness landed me in the ER. A scan revealed blood clots in my lungs.

Everyone told me how lucky I was. A pulmonary embolism can take your life in an instant. I was familiar enough with the medical term, but not familiar with the pain, the fear and the depression that followed.

Everything I had been looking forward to came to a screeching halt. I had to cancel my upcoming tour. I had to let my musicians and crew members go. The record company, the booking agency: I felt that I had let everyone down.

But there was nothing to do but get out of the hospital, go home and get well.
I tried hard to see my unexpected time off as a gift, but I would open a novel and couldn't concentrate. I would turn on the radio, then shut if off. Familiar clouds gathered above my head, and I couldn't make them go away with a pill or a movie or a walk. This unexpected time was becoming a curse, filling me with anxiety, fear and self-loathing — all of the ingredients of the darkness that is depression.

Sometimes, it's the smile of a stranger that helps. Sometimes it's a phone call from a long absent friend, checking on you. I found my lifeline at the grocery store. One morning, the young man who rang up my groceries and asked me if I wanted paper or plastic also told me to enjoy the rest of my day. I looked at him and I knew he meant it. It stopped me in my tracks. I went out and I sat in my car and cried.

What I want more than ever is to appreciate that I have this day, and tomorrow and hopefully days beyond that. I am experiencing the learning curve of gratitude. I don't want to say "have a nice day" like a robot. I don't want to get mad at the elderly driver in front of me. I don't want to go crazy when my Internet access is messed up. I don't want to be jealous of someone else's success. You could say that this litany of sins indicates that I don't want to be human. The learning curve of gratitude, however, is showing me exactly how human I am.

I don't know if my doctors will ever be able to give me the precise reason why I had a life-threatening illness. I do know that the young man in the grocery store reminded me that every day is all there is, and that is my belief.

Tonight I will cook dinner, tell my husband how much I love him, curl up with the dogs, watch the sun go down over the mountains and climb into bed. I will think about how uncomplicated it all is. I will wonder at how it took me my entire life to appreciate just one day.

national nurses week

2010-05-10T15:22:00.012-04:00

Once upon a time when she was asked, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” the only culturally acceptable answers open to a little girl’s dreams were likely nursing and teaching. Celebrating National Nurses Week, May 6-12, reminds me that women today choose among a vast array of professions that would have made Rosie the Rivetor’s head spin wildly.

The word, “choice,” is the key. Today more than ever, women choose whether or not they want to work outside the home and exactly how they will balance career and family responsibilities. According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, more than 4.8 million currently choose nursing as RNs, LPNs, or Nursing Assistants. Of course, those numbers represent both women and men who have taken that career path.

Many come from families where there is a strong generational line of nurses and other health care professionals. Most choose this direction because of a strong desire to help others achieve optimal physical health knowing they will be called on to cope with human suffering, death and dying, emergencies, and other stresses. By and large, they are caring, sympathetic, responsible, and detail oriented individuals who often, to their own detriment, put the needs of others before their own.

We are indeed honored to have such dedicated individuals working among us for our hospitals, our business and industry employers, and our colleges and universities. Tanner EAP appreciates the opportunity to provide assistance that may, in some small way, help them take better care of themselves so they, in turn, take better care of their patients.

are you feeling overwhelmed?

2010-05-06T13:40:00.019-04:00

Financial woes, marriage and family demands, generational challenges, job insecurity--the list goes on and on and on. Turn on the television or pick up a newspaper and all you hear or read only seems to reinforce your belief that the world is in a mess. In fact, to listen to some, the world has never been in such a mess as it is now. And, of course, someone is to blame.

Difficulty finding words to describe “how this makes you feel?” How about worried, angry, sad, woeful, depressed, gloomy, resentful, victimized, worked-up, skeptical, distrusting, perplexed, insecure, anxious, distant, discouraged, dismal, irritated, hesitant, despairing, frightened, annoyed, alarmed, and nervous? (To suggest only a few.)

Have you ever wondered why there are so many so-called “reality shows” on TV? I think it’s because watching someone else’s misfortune and ill judgment somehow deflects from the pain we feel for ourselves. Either we can laugh because we’re glad it’s not us, or we find ourselves saying, “You think that’s bad? My life is the one that ought to be on TV!”

For most of us, emotional pain, like physical pain, becomes a strong motivator. A moment’s touch of the hot stove is all the information we need to know that our hand is in the wrong place. If we are truly resilient, we remember the source of the pain and take all means available to either avoid it in the future or to find a better way to provide personal warmth.

Resiliency is sometimes defined as, “the ability to return to normal by bouncing back from the ups and downs of life.” Most of the time we are unaware of our efforts but when the ups and downs become too great we need to consciously think about even the simple responses that maintain our emotional stability. Here are some reminders:

1. Talk to good listeners.
2. Avoid numbing the pain with overuse of alcohol, drugs or excessive behaviors.
3. Tell your family. Let them know you are struggling and need their understanding.
4. Spend time with others.
5. Help your co-workers by sharing feelings and checking how they are doing.
6. Keep a journal, particularly when you can't sleep.
7. Do things that feel good to you and are good for you.
8. Get plenty of rest. Drink plenty of water. Eat balanced meals.
9. Avoid making major life decisions or major changes. If you must, seek sound advice from someone you trust.
10. Make as many everyday decisions as you can to help exercise your self-control.
11. Be kind to yourself.
12. Get good exercise. A brisk walk elevates mood and improves physical health.
13. LAUGH as often as you can. It may really be the best medicine.
14. Seek professional help if needed. Encourage your co-workers and family to do so.

I'm not suggesting that if you employ these measures that your stressors will just go away. But I do know that using them will reinforce your own strength and allow you to identify ways through the challenges that you are facing. Every time we use positive coping skills, no matter how simple they seem, we build on our abilities to bounce back. Resiliency is something we can learn.

Feeling overwhelmed? Give your EAP a call. We can help you identify the strengths you need. 770-834-8327

saving money at the EAP

2010-04-15T11:54:00.001-04:00

It occurred to me the other day that if you are serious about saving money, and who isn’t these days, then you should schedule several visits with the EAP. Yes, we can help you with simple budgeting techniques but that’s actually not what I had in mind.

It goes more like this. The first four visits to a private counselor at $150 per visit will set you back for $600. You meet your deductible at $500 so, less the 20% co-pay, it’s actually only $580. Two more visits (the standard EAP limit) and you’ve spent another $160. Total out of pocket is $740. Wow! What could you do with that?

On the other hand, if you use your free EAP visits (six for you and your dependents) the grand total comes to--$00.00. It’s really better than a fire sale at a local department store where you have to spend money to “save” money. All you have to do with the Employee Assistance Program is make an appointment and come in to talk with one of our counselors about any kind of personal or family stress for which some professional feedback might be helpful. Instantly you have not only saved a pocket full of money but you feel better as well. And because it’s confidential, no one has to know how smart you really are. What a bargain.

Got problems? Give us a call. We can help. 770.834.8327.

an essential workplace triad

2010-03-18T11:57:00.004-04:00

Participating in various workplace health fairs is one portion of my job I find both easy and rewarding. This morning I had the opportunity of doing so with one of our covered companies. This organization was in fact the first to ever sign a contract with Tanner EAP—actually a few weeks before we were able to offer an employee assistance program to our own team members. I believe Tanner and this workplace have some things in common.

Both are committed to their employees. One obvious indicator is the number of quality employees who have worked with each company for an extended number of years. Regardless of the changes that become necessary in order to continue to do business, when an organization treats its employees well, the best stay and become partners, no longer just workers.

They are customer oriented. Service to immediate customers and the community at large are priorities that are clearly reflected in day-to-day operations and in their response to ongoing issues. They plan within, but they solicit and listen to the input of those they serve, and make adjustments as necessary to meet needs.

Visitors feel welcome. Not just because every visitor is a potential customer, but because in each organization there seems to be an ethic that says people matter and deserve to be treated with respect. Self-serving? Sure, but the better good is always self-serving.

Don’t get me wrong. Neither of these companies is perfect—far from it. I am certain that on any given day, one could find reasonable and responsible individuals to attest to the imperfections of either of these work settings. But in realizing their shortcomings and continually making efforts to improve, they stand as examples of the kind of workplace that is vital to a growing community.

Take care of your employees—they are the most valuable resource you have. Take care of your customers—they will make or break your business in the long run. Treat others with respect—whether they ever work for you or buy from you, they will spread your good will.

humor

2010-03-11T08:25:00.011-05:00

"A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs--jolted by every pebble in the road."
--Henry Ward Beecher

"We must laugh at man to avoid crying for him."
--Napoleon Bonaparte

"Among those whom I like or admire, I can find no common denominator, but among those whom I love, I can: all of them make me laugh."
--W. H. Auden

"Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room."
--Phyllis Diller

"Experiments with laboratory rats have shown that, if one psychologist in the room laughs at something a rat does, all of the other psychologists in the room will laugh equally. "
--Garrison Keillor

"An inexhaustible good nature is one of the most precious gifts of heaven, spreading itself like oil over the troubled sea of thought, and keeping the mind smooth and equable in the roughest weather."
--Washington Irving

"WARNING: Humor may be hazardous to your illness."
--Ellie Katz,

"Good humor isn't a trait of character; it is an art which requires practice."
--David Seabury

"Our five senses are incomplete without the sixth--a sense of humor."
--source unknown

"Get well cards have become so humorous that if you don't get sick you're missing half the fun."
--Flip Wilson

"Good humor is one of the best articles of dress one can wear in society."
--William Thackeray

"They say the seeds of what we will do are in all of us, but it always seemed to me that in those who make jokes in life the seeds are covered with better soil and with a higher grade of manure."
--Ernest Hemingway

"A person who knows how to laugh at himself will never cease to be amused." --Shirley Maclaine

"It's hard to be funny when you have to be clean."
--Mae West

communication and email

2010-03-01T15:44:00.010-05:00

Do you remember when there was no such thing as e-mail? Of course, you may not admit it because then we’ll know how young you are no longer. But if you do, you also remember manual typewriters, hand written letters, and appointment books that weren’t electronic.

Now don’t be alarmed! This isn’t about to become a monologue regarding what’s best, or “the good ole days,” or any other such nonsense. I’m also not going to give a lesson on email etiquette though, truth is, most of us could use one. It’s only intended to pass along a bit of practical wisdom that I read some time ago.

How many times have you exchanged emails with a colleague, regarding what one or the other considered a sensitive topic, only to find that what you meant never seemed to be understood in exactly the way you intended? In fact, the other person seemed to become offended and then “copied” most of the known civilized cyber world in order to be certain their victimization was recognized.

In business, and maybe even in personal contexts, a good rule of thumb is, “After the third misunderstood email, WALK.” If your point is not getting across, is in fact being misinterpreted and misconstrued, any further volleys will only make it worse. Push your chair back, walk down the hall, and conference face-to-face.

Taking ownership of your part of the confusion, begin with the phrase, “I think I may not have been clear about what I meant to say. Can we start over?” With that you have the benefit of an honest apology for the confusion along with improved clarity of voice tone, facial expression, and body language. Whether in person or by telephone, the attitude you want to project is one of humility and teamwork. We may not always be able to prevent poor communication, but most of the time, we can improve it.

 :< :> :? :* :% :# 

If you think you may have misunderstood what I was trying to say, consider calling (or visiting) your EAP. 770.834.8327

the science of sleep

2010-02-11T11:15:00.003-05:00

The numbers are astounding. At least 70 million Americans suffer from sleep deprivation. More than $24 billion per year is spent on trying to fall asleep. From heart disease to chronic pain to depression to obesity to hypertension to decreased immune function--a host of medical conditions are caused or worsened by poor sleep.

The National Commission on Sleep Disorders has estimated that sleep problems cost the U.S. over $150 billion per year because of higher stress levels, missed work, and decreased productivity. Undoubtedly, sleep is an essential component of a healthy lifestyle and poor sleep can result in low energy, ill mood, drowsiness, health problems, and impaired driving.

The good news is that the sleep research has found many things that can positively affect our sleep. A few tips that may help are:

Sleep in complete darkness.

Stay on a regular schedule of sleep and wakefulness.

Exercise, an hour or two before sleep, improves sleep significantly.

Decrease caffeine, nicotine, and alcohol consumption near bedtime.

A hot bath prior to bedtime improves sleep.

Sleep in a cool room.

Keep a sleep journal.

Make a to-do list for the next day to decrease worrisome thoughts.

Relaxation training improves sleep.

If you continue to have sleep difficulties see a counselor or health care provider. If you or someone who witnesses you sleep thinks you may have sleep apnea, see a physician. Feel free to contact your friendly neighborhood EAP provider for more information, tips, and resources.

Sweet dreams

balance and dc

2010-01-21T16:43:00.000-05:00

Some time back, my wife and I vacationed in Washington, D.C. Actually, we combined a few days of vacation with an annual mental health conference. Vacation mornings, our routine consisted of walking three or so blocks from the hotel to Union Station, a well-known hub of transportation on Capital Hill. It was breakfast, then off to see the sites.

Au Bon Pain is a unique food stop within the Station that specializes in good coffee; a more than respectable assortment of pastries, fruits and yogurt; and a variety of other hot choices for meals throughout the day. Their system of moving hungry travelers rapidly through a crowded open-air café is one that fairly boggles the mind. Equally noteworthy is that they also provide a small complement of tables and chairs for patrons to stop, eat and drink as leisurely as they choose, and listen to quiet and soothing classical music. That’s right, classical music. The quietness of the music and the café’s choice of composers, sets an unexpected tone that truly balances the rush and frantic nature of hundreds of commuters in a busy city.

Over the years I’ve grown to be more and more a student of the need for balance in our lives. And over the same years, I’ve become more and more aware of just how difficult that is for most of us. Never mind that we grew up being reminded of the wisdom, if not necessity, of “leaving home at home and work at work”. But it doesn’t seem to happen that way anymore. For most of us there’s a delicate balance of determining just how much of home and work we will allow spilling over into each other and it takes deliberate effort to maintain that balance.

Eat right; get enough sleep; have some fun; play well with others; and be responsible in your work--a mobile that hangs well above our cribs as long as all the parts are equal. But let one dominate the others, or one become virtually non-existent and havoc almost always follows. Increased anxiety, bouts of depression, marital and family problems, irritability, insomnia, and headaches are only a few of the more common symptoms. A trip to the Au Bon Pain may not be immediately possible, but here are at least some practical suggestions for establishing and maintaining balance. You’ve heard or seen most of them before but reminders are good:

First, and maybe the most important step is to begin by accepting that you really do have some choice in the matter. Psychologists tell us that about 50% of our happiness is a combination of genes and circumstances. The other 50% is about choices that we make.

Keep a log of your activities for a week. Most of us discover that there are actually times during the seven days when we have no standing commitment. A few find they have far too many uncommitted hours. While that may sound ideal, remember that Jack is not only dull when all he does is work; he is also unappealing when all he does is play!

With the log in mind, look for places you can insert, if only for a few minutes, a pleasurable activity—reading, listening to music, or a brief walk. Set aside one evening a week for recreation, especially something you can do with your family. Turn off the TV and the cell phones and try something rather old fashioned—talk and listen to each other.

Learn to say NO. I don’t mean “no” to the essentials, or to those things that might put your job in jeopardy. I’m talking about saying no to the extras. It’s about setting priorities and deciding that your family and your mental health come first.

Set some goals for yourself. These might be for self-growth; for financial improvement; for accomplishing something you’ve always wanted to do; or for learning about something that, until now, you’ve not thought you had the time. Be careful to make the goals achievable and since it’s your choice, go easy at first.

Get some exercise. We have become a society of couch potatoes and suffer all the usual consequences. Exercise is not only good for physical fitness, but studies show that regular exercise works as a mood elevator in almost 100% of the population.

Tell your best friend or confident what you are doing. Religious communities have always known that public confession had the added benefit of virtually ensuring that we follow through with what otherwise might have only been good intentions.

Get some help. If you find that you have more difficulty than you expected or that your starts and finishes come too close together seek help from a professional counselor. Not a sign of weakness, nor a sign of illness, but an indication that you have decided to take charge in a serious way. Of course, your EAP is a good place to start.

one unanswered question

2010-01-05T14:29:00.000-05:00

Once more the holidays are behind us. The bills are beginning to pour in. Our resolutions are made and set in motion. Our lives are almost back to “normal.” But there’s that one lingering question that has yet to be answered. Do I really have a drinking problem? Ouch! That came too quickly didn’t it?

It is generally accepted that about one in ten persons who use alcohol has difficulty with control to the extent that their use interferes with one or more major life functions such as physical health, employment, family, legal, or financial issues. If there is a family history (dad, mom, or grandparent with a problem) the numbers tend to increase.

According to an excellent article at WebMd.Com,

“Alcoholism is a long-term (chronic) disease. It's not a weakness or a lack of willpower. Like many other diseases, it has a course that can be predicted, has known symptoms, and is influenced by your genes and your life situation.” (http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/alcohol-abuse/alcohol-abuse-and-dependence-topic-overview)

If you wonder whether or not you have a problem with alcohol use, a good rule of thumb is to ask yourself, “Do I continue to drink in spite of the fact that my drinking causes problems?” If the answer is “yes” or “I’m not certain,” chances are good that seeking some form of help is the next right step.

Tanner EAP has counselors who are experienced in assessing and working with individuals affected by alcohol and other drug problems. Recommendations for treatment vary depending on the individual situation but in most cases, the earlier one gets help, the greater are the chances that good recovery is likely. Don’t wait until this time next year! Make the call. It’s confidential. 770.834.8327.

steady . . . one step at a tiime

2009-12-28T09:28:00.000-05:00

Why is it that the idea of making a New Year’s resolution creates such anxiety or downright avoidance in most of us? Is it that we simply don’t believe we can change how we eat or how we dress or spend money or whether or not we exercise? Is the notion that we might actually be able to stop smoking or cut back on our drinking or become nicer to our family or co-workers really so unbelievable?

For many of us, a New Year’s resolution is not merely a simple choice, but a forever commitment. So rather than take a chance on failure, letting down ourselves and everyone else, we just don’t begin the process. And maybe that’s the problem in itself. But then, self-improvement was never meant to be perfection.

So how do we begin? First, start by quieting all those inner voices that attempt to tell you what you “should” do. Remind them that their shoulds and your shoulds may not at all be the same.

Second, select a change that you want to make and then pick it apart. Separate it into its many components. For instance, getting more exercise isn’t just about sweating. It’s also about what time of day works best; what kind of exercise is appropriate or safe; how much time you are willing to commit; indoors or outdoors; home or gym, etc.

Third, think small. Be easy on yourself but make it real. Ten minutes a day that you can stick with makes much more sense than an hour that will never happen.

Fourth, tell your family or closest friend. We are much more likely to follow through with change when we let others know our intentions. Give them permission to occasionally ask you how you are doing.

Finally, determine a start date and when it arrives, BEGIN. Be patient with yourself because worthwhile change doesn’t happen overnight. It is estimated that it takes 3-6 weeks either to form new habits or to break old ones. Most of us can stay with short term commitments so by the time the fifth or sixth week passes, we’re amazed that it has actually begun to feel like a new habit.

If you’re still not sure how to begin or want some additional support for the short run, call your EAP office. We can provide lifestyle coaching and other resources to help you make this kind of important change. 770.834.8327.

finding the best in the holidays

2009-12-22T13:47:00.000-05:00

Stress abounds. Debt increases by geometric proportions. Families, bless them, can be as much a source of our difficulties as they are a solution. Expectations of others regularly go unmet, to say nothing of those we place on ourselves. Typically there are far too many obligations to be fulfilled within anyone's twenty-four/seven. And did I mention depression? In fact, 'tis the season to be depressed!

But wait, let's not get too carried away. One more Grinch is not what we need. After all, much of what we read during this season speaks to the stress and strain of the holidays and, thankfully, provides good guidance for surviving. So at the risk of appearing to minimize the challenges that the holidays bring us, can't we spend a little time emphasizing the more positive aspects?

The holidays really are intended to be a joyful time of the year. Whether we observe Chanukah, Christmas, Ramadan, Kwanza, or another, a common theme in all is the celebration of GIVING. No, not just the giving of presents to others, but a joyful celebration of what has been given to us.

They are a time of RENEWAL. Renewal of faith; renewal of commitments; renewal of friendships. Even when family ties are strained, the holidays offer an opportunity for renewal of relationships if only for a day or two at the time.

Peace on Earth, KINDNESS to all. Sound vaguely familiar? What better time to practice acts of charity without getting caught doing so. Caring for persons less fortunate is even considered by some to be a true remedy for holiday depression. Soup kitchens, emergency shelters and community clothing banks can always use good volunteers.

And HOPE. Viktor Frankl, while imprisoned at Auschwitz, came to believe that the presence of hope equaled the presence of life. The holidays remind us of continuing hope for the world. In spite of the distress that we see on the news, the reason we celebrate this time of the year is that we believe there is hope for the small and for the great. And it is that hope that further enriches our lives.

Still struggling with the challenges? That's OK. We all are. Putting things into their proper perspective is not easy and may be more difficult than solving the problems themselves. Either way, that's what Tanner EAP is here for. Let us help you with the problems and with the perspective. Call us. 770.834.8327

holiday wishes

2009-12-08T13:49:00.000-05:00

The staff of Tanner EAP
Wish you a very happy and peaceful season.
We encourage you to give thanks;
To enjoy the true significance of the holiday lights and sounds;

To find time to rest and rekindle your energies;
And to connect with friends and family in meaningful ways.

Lisa, Carol, Wes, and Ken

aah, bologna!

2009-12-08T09:36:00.000-05:00

“Bah Humbug” was already taken and, besides, I was looking for a better fit. Since eating, or over-eating, is a central theme that so well applies to the next several weeks, do you ever consider that maybe we also “overstuff” on things besides food? It seems to me that we engage in that behavior so much that it’s difficult to digest the real meaning of the season. Take the following for example.

First, there are the Travel, Crowds, and Spending. Maybe you happen to be one of those who can’t get into the spirit without the holiday crowds, or a trip to Aunt Suzie’s, or without spending a little extra money. But hopefully you’re not one of those who, come January, experience anxiety and depression over the most recent credit card meltdown that you promised yourself not to do again this year. If only you could lose your appetite prior to partaking of such an excessively hearty meal.

Unrealistic Expectations are another dish that’s quite often hard to swallow. They come from all directions; our spouse, our children, our parents and other family members; church, school, the workplace; and even ourselves. And, of course, there’s the media blitz about what we’re supposed to think and how we’re supposed to feel. If you’re not careful, you become sandwiched between what others expect and what, realistically, you think you can manage.

Do you have Previously Strained Relationships that don’t seem to get any better in spite of the holiday best wishes? Believe it or not, most of us do and what we learn year after year is that this is not the time to magically expect that everyone else will get over their hard feelings and resentments just because we have figured out how to take the right combination of Tums and Prilosec to treat whatever has created our own psychic indigestion. (I do hope I can remember that next year.)

If yours is one of the millions of Blended Families in this country, a seven course meal wouldn’t even begin to represent the many challenges that you face this time of year. Sometimes it feels that the only real winners are the little children who have figured out that separation, divorce, and remarriage mean they get presents from at least a dozen more directions than they ever dreamed possible. Did someone mutter the word, “bribe”?

So is there any way to avoid this annual overstuffing? Maybe several ways, in fact. To begin with, set some limits on the travel, crowds, and spending. Talk to others about your decisions and enlist their help in sticking to your good intentions. Second, as your grandmother always told you, get enough rest, good nutrition, and a little bit of exercise. Learn the F.A.C.T.S. about moderation—avoid too many fats, alcohol, caffeine, tobacco and sugar. You’ll be amazed at how much better mentally and physically you feel to tackle the demands of the day. Third, be realistic about relationships and don’t bite off more than you can chew. If you can, talk ahead of time to resolve some long-standing issues or to just agree to “keep it light” and not to spoil the celebration for others. Fourth, if yours is a blended family, consider establishing some new traditions as well as trying to observe some of the more treasured old ones. Make gift giving an adventure instead of a competition. Consider donating or volunteering to help those who are less fortunate. And last, but by no means least, develop and fine tune your sense of humor. If the holidays are supposed to be about the real meaning of giving, and joy, and blessing, then surely to Goodness, there’s a place at the table for the spice of laughter!!

holiday grief

2009-11-30T10:20:00.000-05:00

It seems impossible that the Holiday season is here with all its excitement and anticipation. Everywhere we look there are decorations and bright lights. Friends and family are planning celebrations, baking cookies, and buying gifts. But if someone you loved has died, the lights don’t seem as bright and Holiday cards and Holiday greetings seem empty and can bring on feelings of loss, sadness, and emptiness.

There is no solution that will meet everyone’s needs during the season but some of these suggestions may help.
1. Allow yourself to feel and express your emotions. Don’t feel guilty about
how you’re feeling. Take time to be alone or cry if you need to. Family and friends will understand.
2. Talk about the person who has died. Your pain won’t go away by ignoring
your grief. Sharing memories can bring a smile.
3. Try to eliminate unnecessary stress. If it’s difficult for you to go to the mall,
try shopping on the internet.
4. Try not to isolate yourself. Spend time with family and friends.
5. Do something different. Make a change in your family traditions or do something special to honor your loved one.
6. Express your faith. Your beliefs are important and will give you comfort.
7. Stay healthy. Try to exercise and eat well. Rest and sleep –your body needs this. Avoid excessive drinking as a way to avoid your feelings.
8. Most of all take care of yourself. Don’t try to live up to others expectations. Set limits, your family and friends will understand.

On a personal note, this will be the first Christmas without my husband and I know it will be a sad time for me. The Holidays won’t be the same but the memories of our past Holidays together will always be with me and will help me get through this difficult time.

the science of thanksgiving

2009-11-17T15:07:00.000-05:00

The Thanksgiving season seems an appropriate time to remind myself (and maybe others) of the tremendous benefits of being thankful. The relatively new field of Positive Psychology (which focuses on optimizing happiness and other positive qualities instead of how to treat pathological states) has accumulated an impressive body of research on the benefits of being thankful.

In our busy and stress-filled lives it is only natural that our attention is drawn to the things that irritate us. But, if we make the effort to re-direct our attention, at least for a little while, to some things for which we are thankful, we can make a positive difference in our mood, our health, our relationships, and our world.

Some of the recent research studies have found that (references provided upon request):

Those who kept gratitude journals had fewer physical symptoms, exercised more, and felt better about their lives as a whole than those who recorded hassles or neutral life events

In a group of people with neuromuscular disease those who were reminded to be thankful reported greater amounts of positive moods, better sleep duration, and better sleep quality than a control group.

Couples that give compliments to each other and express appreciation are much less likely to divorce and report higher levels of happiness.

Grateful people take better care of themselves, engage in more protective health behaviors, and have stronger immune systems.

When I do remember to be thankful I often am amazed at how much I take for granted on a regular basis. Today I am thankful for the sun, clean water, my family, my job, that I live in the USA, and many other things.

Thank you for reading this far. Consider yourself reminded to be thankful.

A Rose By Any Other Name

2009-11-02T10:42:00.000-05:00

I was amazed at how many responses, almost immediately, we received to the “anger management” cartoon Monday of last week. And most of the ones who emailed named a particular stressor as their source of frustration. No, I don’t mean the same stressor. I mean that each had their own particular stressor in mind when they responded. But isn’t that the way it usually is? What one person finds difficult to deal with, may be no more than a good challenge for someone else; and what another finds simple and easy, often seems to rock the boat of the next person.

Do you think the ability to cope is something we learn as we are growing up or is it genetically determined? Be careful how you answer that because your answer may serve as either a challenge or a lifelong sentence. Most of us seem to demonstrate that it’s a combination of the two. On our worst, most “un-self-confident” days, we are certain it can only be genetic. We allow ourselves to feel as insecure as is practically safe; to feel as sorry for ourselves as we think useful; and to place blame as far up our family tree as we want to.

To our credit, however, is that we don’t seem to be able to enjoy that state for very long so we gradually begin believing once more that coping is something over which we actually have control. We believe in ourselves; take reasonable risks intended to improve our situation; see the silver lining in almost everything; and, presto, the sun does shine again!

Dr. Al Siebert, a contemporary psychologist, uses the word resiliency in reference to our ability to cope. He acknowledges that while some people may be more resilient than others, resiliency is something that nevertheless can be learned or further developed by anyone at any age. And, not surprising, he says that one of the keys to developing resiliency is learning to better handle our feelings—anger, discouragement, pessimism, and the like. He states, “As you become better and better at handling your emotional reactions . . . you strengthen your emotional immunity to events that distress others and increase your resiliency.”

Anger Management Anyone?

2009-10-26T13:43:00.000-04:00

Anger is certainly not the only feeling or emotion that we sometimes have difficulty managing--at least those of us that are perhaps a bit more human than Helda. Difficulty dealing with everyday emotions or the occasional time when emotions get out of hand, are usually indications that one is overstressed and would likely benefit from discovering better ways to self manage.

At the EAP we often suggest to people that losing a measure of control once in a while is more normal than they may care to admit. In fact, if we are willing to be self-aware, we use those rare times to remind us that it's time to take a break or to re-evaluate our situation, commitments, or priorities.

If you find that those times have become more frequent than is comfortable for you, remember that talking to someone whom you trust (a friend, a family member, your EAP counselor) is one of the best ways to begin to put things back into perspective.

Worms and Hasty Conclusions

2009-10-15T15:11:00.000-04:00

Have you ever witnessed someone drawing conclusions from only one side of the “facts?” In truth, every story has at least two sides and most every puzzle, more than one solution.

A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon. Four worms were placed into four separate jars. The first worm was put into a container of alcohol. The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke. The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup. The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.

At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:
The first worm in alcohol-Dead.
The second worm in cigarette smoke-Dead.
The third worm in chocolate syrup-Dead.
The fourth worm in good clean soil-Alive.

So the Minister asked the congregation, “What did you learn from this demonstration?” Maxine was sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said, “As long as you drink, smoke, and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!” That pretty much ended the service.

Take Charge of Your Stress

2009-10-12T10:52:00.000-04:00

We often hear it said, “If you didn’t vote, you have no right to complain about the outcome!” That general idea can probably be applied to a multitude of things. We are all stressed. At times, we all take on more than we need and, paradoxically, we sometimes still feel guilty about not doing enough. An article by Nancy O’Reilly in a recent Lifestyle Tips, suggests a list of symptoms indicating that stress may be getting out of hand. Take a look and see if any of these fit you:

Often forget things. (What 10:00 appointment?)
Feel Unusual fatigue. (Can’t I go home yet?)
Suffer from insomnia. (Watching old movies at 3 a.m.)
Experience changes in appetite. (Either ravenous . . . or nothing looks good. Weight gain or loss may also be associated.)
Experience changes in behavior and mood. (Leave me alone or I’ll hurt you.)
Often feel grumpy and crabby. (Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.)
Get sick a lot. (It really is my third cold this month.)
Want to withdraw from others. (Go away!)
Feel extreme anxiety and worry. (Now what’s wrong?)

She says that workers who can check four or more of these may be on their road to burnout. Following a few simple tips may very well prevent that. First, find some balance. Don’t let any one aspect of your life dominate all the others. A hobby or other activity that your enjoy may be the ticket to getting your mind off the stressor and adding pleasure and self-fulfillment. Second, create or expand your support systems. Find people you can talk to, at home and at work, about what bothers you. Weigh their advice and then make some deliberate decisions. Consider becoming a mentor to someone else in order to share your own experience or resources. And, third, gain control over what you can and find ways to let go of what you can’t.

Stress management, like pain management, isn’t about ridding yourself of stress, but finding better ways to manage so that you can enjoy the other parts of life. The point is, you can’t complain about how stressed out you are if you never do anything about it. Take at least some action. If, despite your best efforts, the stress continues to be overwhelming, give your EAP a call. We can help!

Stress and Relationships

2009-10-05T10:46:00.000-04:00

The psychologist, Carl Rogers, is often given credit for the definition of stress that reads, “that inner conflict created when the mind overrides the body’s basic desire to choke the living daylights out of some jerk who desperately needs it.” I may have changed the wording a bit but not the message. His focus includes two rather obvious lessons. The first is that the stress we feel is inside of us and is often a product of our own conflicts, more than just the events that happen around us. The second is that our stress frequently involves relationships or at least interaction with others whether friends, family, or co-workers.

No doubt about it. Relationships can be one of the most uplifting and satisfying aspects of life or, to the contrary, one of the most frustrating and troubling elements. Learning to live and work with others and with all their quirks is challenging but we need never to forget that the one thing all our relationships have in common is ourselves. Why is it that some people can say or do almost anything to us and we immediately forgive while others push our buttons as soon as they walk through the door and we never seem to get over it? It’s at least partly a matter of choice. We choose whom we love; we choose whom we dislike; we choose with whom we spend most of our time and whom we avoid.

Relationships can be stressful. It makes sense then, as far as we are able, that we treasure and nurture those relationships that give us satisfaction. It makes sense that we direct the majority of our efforts toward those relationships that we find most supportive and encouraging. The others? Another topic for another blog!

do you know where you're going?

2009-09-30T08:28:00.000-04:00

"One day Alice came to a fork in the road and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree. Which road do I take? she asked. Where do you want to go? was his response. I don't know, Alice answered. Then, said the cat, It doesn't matter."

--Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland.

What You Say Here, Stays Here!

2009-09-28T08:22:00.000-04:00

Confidentiality is the very foundation of professional counseling, whether the setting is private practice, hospital based, or local mental health center. Unless the person seeking help feels certain that what he or she brings to the session will remain private, the chances are good that the decision to seek counseling will not be made. Trust is essential. The phrase, “What you say here, stays here,” is a simple way of stating that assurance. Written professional ethics, state licensing board rules, and, of course, HIPAA on the federal level, go one step further to provide virtual guarantees. Exceptions? Of course. Statements of self-harm, harm toward others, and the likelihood of abuse of children or elderly require that counselors respond in ways that are intended to maintain safety for those concerned and may require notifying other professionals. Short of that, however, counselors must always ask for written permission to share information with those whose involvement is likely to be beneficial to the client. So it is with Tanner EAP--without the signed consent, “What you say here, stays here!”

Welcome to the Right Track

2009-09-28T08:17:00.000-04:00

Welcome to The Right Track, the new Tanner EAP blog! First a confession--until recently I would never have imagined that writing a blog would become a regular part of the Tanner employee assistance program. But then, until recently the word "blog" hardly appeared in the common vocabulary.So why a blog in the first place? Isn't it just another marketing tool--just another attempt to find a catchy way to say the same old things? Well, yes, but it's also a recognition that providing good information should never be limited to the same old methods. As new methods of delivery and new media develop, so does the opportunity for transmitting useful information to more people in more efficient ways.

The Right Track will be a collection of information about a variety of EAP, mental health, wellness, and work-life issues. Weekly articles, lists of resources, suggestions for self-help and stress management, and good humor are some of the items you can expect to find when you visit the site. And, as with almost any blog, we want to hear from you as well. Feel free to comment or email us with your feedback, ideas, or questions. Your communication will always be confidential unless we are concerned about your safety. The Right Track, however, is not internet therapy and information contained in this blog should never be expected to take the place of a face-to-face session with a licensed psychotherapist. As our disclaimer indicates, if you are experiencing severe emotional distress, you should call or visit the nearest hospital emergency department where you will find immediate assistance.

Uncertain about the role or purpose of EAP? Do you ever remember being told that you should leave your personal problems at home and your work problems at work? The truth is that doing so is not as easy as it sounds. Sometimes life brings us challenges that result in our feeling overwhelmed and frustrated and without intending to do so, we bring those worries to work with us. The result is that our concentration, our focus, and our job performance no longer meet our own work standards nor those of our employer. The mission of Tanner EAP is to assist employees and managers in identifying and resolving issues that, left unchecked, have the potential to interfere with workplace productivity. Such issues include marriage and family relationships, mental health concerns, legal and financial worries, alcohol and other drug problems, and, yes, even job stress!

The ability to recognize when you have met your limits and that you need the assistance of a professional is often the first sign of strength and emotional wellness. It is no more weakness to ask for help from a good counselor when you are emotionally out of sorts than it is to ask for help from an auto mechanic when your vehicle is out of sorts. In fact, with today's stresses (and today's automobiles) it really doesn't make much sense to try to repair "it" all by yourself. So, if you have a personal concern and would like to speak to one of our counselors, please give us a call. You don't have to be referred by anyone other than yourself. Remember, it's confidential and costs only the time you chose to invest in your own self improvement. Our number is 770.834.8327. Call us. We can help!