Anger Management Anyone?

Anger is certainly not the only feeling or emotion that we sometimes have difficulty managing--at least those of us that are perhaps a bit more human than Helda. Difficulty dealing with everyday emotions or the occasional time when emotions get out of hand, are usually indications that one is overstressed and would likely benefit from discovering better ways to self manage.

At the EAP we often suggest to people that losing a measure of control once in a while is more normal than they may care to admit. In fact, if we are willing to be self-aware, we use those rare times to remind us that it's time to take a break or to re-evaluate our situation, commitments, or priorities.

If you find that those times have become more frequent than is comfortable for you, remember that talking to someone whom you trust (a friend, a family member, your EAP counselor) is one of the best ways to begin to put things back into perspective.

Worms and Hasty Conclusions

Have you ever witnessed someone drawing conclusions from only one side of the “facts?” In truth, every story has at least two sides and most every puzzle, more than one solution.

A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon. Four worms were placed into four separate jars. The first worm was put into a container of alcohol. The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke. The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup. The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.

At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:
The first worm in alcohol-Dead.
The second worm in cigarette smoke-Dead.
The third worm in chocolate syrup-Dead.
The fourth worm in good clean soil-Alive.

So the Minister asked the congregation, “What did you learn from this demonstration?” Maxine was sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said, “As long as you drink, smoke, and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!” That pretty much ended the service.

Take Charge of Your Stress

We often hear it said, “If you didn’t vote, you have no right to complain about the outcome!” That general idea can probably be applied to a multitude of things. We are all stressed. At times, we all take on more than we need and, paradoxically, we sometimes still feel guilty about not doing enough. An article by Nancy O’Reilly in a recent Lifestyle Tips, suggests a list of symptoms indicating that stress may be getting out of hand. Take a look and see if any of these fit you:

Often forget things. (What 10:00 appointment?)
Feel Unusual fatigue. (Can’t I go home yet?)
Suffer from insomnia. (Watching old movies at 3 a.m.)
Experience changes in appetite. (Either ravenous . . . or nothing looks good. Weight gain or loss may also be associated.)
Experience changes in behavior and mood. (Leave me alone or I’ll hurt you.)
Often feel grumpy and crabby. (Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.)
Get sick a lot. (It really is my third cold this month.)
Want to withdraw from others. (Go away!)
Feel extreme anxiety and worry. (Now what’s wrong?)

She says that workers who can check four or more of these may be on their road to burnout. Following a few simple tips may very well prevent that. First, find some balance. Don’t let any one aspect of your life dominate all the others. A hobby or other activity that your enjoy may be the ticket to getting your mind off the stressor and adding pleasure and self-fulfillment. Second, create or expand your support systems. Find people you can talk to, at home and at work, about what bothers you. Weigh their advice and then make some deliberate decisions. Consider becoming a mentor to someone else in order to share your own experience or resources. And, third, gain control over what you can and find ways to let go of what you can’t.

Stress management, like pain management, isn’t about ridding yourself of stress, but finding better ways to manage so that you can enjoy the other parts of life. The point is, you can’t complain about how stressed out you are if you never do anything about it. Take at least some action. If, despite your best efforts, the stress continues to be overwhelming, give your EAP a call. We can help!

Stress and Relationships

The psychologist, Carl Rogers, is often given credit for the definition of stress that reads, “that inner conflict created when the mind overrides the body’s basic desire to choke the living daylights out of some jerk who desperately needs it.” I may have changed the wording a bit but not the message. His focus includes two rather obvious lessons. The first is that the stress we feel is inside of us and is often a product of our own conflicts, more than just the events that happen around us. The second is that our stress frequently involves relationships or at least interaction with others whether friends, family, or co-workers.

No doubt about it. Relationships can be one of the most uplifting and satisfying aspects of life or, to the contrary, one of the most frustrating and troubling elements. Learning to live and work with others and with all their quirks is challenging but we need never to forget that the one thing all our relationships have in common is ourselves. Why is it that some people can say or do almost anything to us and we immediately forgive while others push our buttons as soon as they walk through the door and we never seem to get over it? It’s at least partly a matter of choice. We choose whom we love; we choose whom we dislike; we choose with whom we spend most of our time and whom we avoid.

Relationships can be stressful. It makes sense then, as far as we are able, that we treasure and nurture those relationships that give us satisfaction. It makes sense that we direct the majority of our efforts toward those relationships that we find most supportive and encouraging. The others? Another topic for another blog!